Without rhyme or reason

Three very important things: 1) Light Mexican beer 2) Bottle-opener to open said light Mexican beer 3) Spanish Smoked Paprika.

Shame left the building a long time ago. Like you'll believe me but these babies don't stink half as much as they look like they do. Swear. I'll admit that they're not photogenic though. At all.


My photography skills are officially the worst in the world, look at that glare! Apologies for the utter randomness but it's been that kind of day. Check out a sample of my movie collection. Is it pretentious enough for you? I actually don't think it's pretentious at all but does that make me even more pretentious? Sorry, I can't get over how bad my photography is, and with that I slink away. Have a fantabuloso remainder of the weekend! xx

The same but different.

Hey, guess what? There's a G-20 summit taking place in Toronto at the weekend. We should talk about it, after all, the global fiscal crisis has affected most of us. Except me. However, I didn't really have much to begin with. Woe is me. What was my point again? Ah yes, leather shorts (surprise!). Look above and you'll see the beguiling Alexa Chung (she actually irritates me supremely and because I can offer no rational explanation why, one must therefore assume extreme jealousy, envy and begrudgery on my part). I'm flawed, i know, but let us continue. What do you think of La Chung's YSL leather shorts? I'm pretty sure my German cousins (and they do exist) would mistake them for liederhosen but do not listen to them for they know not what they wear, and really, who on earth would spend almost $2000 on a pair of liederhosen anyway? Silly German cousins! I actually like these shorts on Alexa but I suspect they're more than a little unforgiving if your legs aren't skinnier than a baby giraffe's.

Now, for the case against leather shorts. Here is the tennis player (and speaking of tennis, did you see John Isner defeat Nicolas Mahut in the longest tennis match in history? 70-68 in the final set. Crazy. Mahut is cute as a button, isn't he? Ok, major digression, sorry!) Maria Sharapova working her own version of the leather look. There's no denying that, as a pro-athlete, Maria Sharapova has a killer body and I'm not, in a million years, saying that this ensemble makes her look heavy. BUT, I really really hate it. The thing with Alexa Chung is that although she gets on my last nerve, she never looks over-styled. She has a knack of making everything look effortless (I put it down to her bad posture, still jealous, yes). Maria Sharapova, on the contrary, does not. Her perfect hair and make-up take the edge of the leather shorts, so much so that she might as well be wearing a knee-length tweed shooting skirt! I don't like the boots either. God, I am a fusster! Not sure what the actual point of this blog post is, if I'm honest. Do I like leather shorts? I think I do. Will I ever understand the Russian preoccupation with avoiding understatement in the sartorial sense? Probably not. Would the world be boring, and downright shoddy, if everyone dressed like me? Most certainly. We are united by our differences so go forward and be different (no clue). Peace! x

Q: Do I suck at blogging? A: Yes, like a professional.

Look at this! One month since my last blog entry and I stroll in acting like I've never been away. If I don't mention it, maybe nobody will notice. I'm quite sure they won't. Still, being a guilty Catholic, I need to offer my excuses before I try and worm my way back into your affections. Here goes:

1. I hope and pray that I'm moving to Madrid in a year so I've been immersing myself in all things Spanish over the past few weeks: the language, the food, the wine, the people, Spanish Euro-News, Rafa Nadal (in my dreams, and trust me, they're not suitable for this blog).

2. The world cup (El Mundial--that's world cup in Spanish, don't you know!) is on, and I have a HUGE love for football. I love fashion. If I had unlimited funds, I would need a separate apartment block for all the clothes, shoes, accessories I would buy. However, I love football more. Argentina or Spain to win, please.

3. The weather has been unseasonably nice. I know it's summer but that means little or nothing here. It used to rain. ALL. THE. TIME. Thank goodness for global warming, eh? (Here's an exclamation mark just so you know I don't really mean it--->!<---not really).

4. I was in Italy for a week, although, I accept that's no excuse when you consider the gargantuan effort put in by other bloggers, the magnificent www.whatkatiewore.com springs to mind immediately. In my defence, however, I am a complete amateur. I am also positively Banksy-like in my desire to conceal my identity. I'm either someone famous or I just don't like being photographed, take your pick (hint: it's probably not the former).

There it is, that's my apology. Expect normal service to resume in the near future but for the moment, please accept this gratuitous picture of the Paraguayan striker Roque Santa Cruz. Why? Partly, to pay homage to the World Cup but mostly because he is damn fine! Besos x

Those are NOT MY PANTS.

Okay, here goes:

1) I have been incredibly negligent towards my blog BUT I had an amazingly huge economics paper due yesterday so the last week was spent adding finishing touches to it. I apologise profusely. Must try harder, will try harder. Be patient and you will be rewarded. Whatever.

2) This is absolutely not a fashion-forward post and those are absolutely not my pyjama pants. Not that they're beneath me but they just aren't mine. As it happens, I don't wear pants to bed, I'm naturally hot (temperaturely (*sic alert*) speaking).

3) Now I shall vent.

I was in the supermarket today. I bought Maldon sea salt (because I'm irritating), celery, carrots, shallots and white wine vinegar. Why is this important? It's not. I'll continue. It was 5pm and suddenly I saw her. Who? My nemesis, that's who! Except, I never laid eyes on her before so surely I didn't just decide to hate her on sight? Oh but I did. Have you ever heard that expression about not having a second chance to make a good first impression? Of course you have. Sorry, I'm incoherent with rage. This girl, at 5pm, was moping around the aisles of the supermarket WEARING PYJAMA PANTS (similar to the pair you see above). AT 5PM! Yes, I am screaming. Infuriatingly, she didn't care. I am 100% supportive of individuality, wear whatever you like. How boring would the world be if we all alike? HOWEVER, don't tell me you can't take 2 minutes to throw on a pair of actual pants. Jeans, harems, shorts, a dress, a skirt, even track pants if you must. Can you tell this is a major bugbear of mine? Sorry for ranting, I really am. I promise that normal service will resume momentarily but really, pyjamas in public at 5pm? You look stupid. And if you must wear your pjs at 5pm (why?), at least look a little ashamed.

xoxo

To tee or not to tee...that wasn't the question.

A week into the blog and I'm slacking already but I think you should know that, in my spare time, I write politics-related articles for politics-related magazines, and as it's been one of the most hectic weeks EVER in UK politics, I've been busy as a bee, a very busy bee. As much as I want to rant and rave about the current political situation, I won't. Instead, I'll be ranting and raving about sizing, clothes sizing. Please focus your line of vision on the pink monstrosity above. I expect you've found it by now, it's hardly inconspicuous. To be fair, I ordered it. Nobody was holding a gun to my head but, in my defence, I had imbibed two glasses of prosecco. Long story short: I decided I needed a neon pink, happy-face, dress thing more than anything else in the world. The only size available was Medium, and now look what I've got. Does it look size M to you? ***Sheepishly*** Stupidly I didn't refer to the sizing charts, automatically assuming that size M would be UK10-12. WRONG! I'm wearing it out of spite though so if you happen to see a giant blancmange smiling at you in the future, wave back, I'm only being friendly!

Say hello to the newest member of my t-shirt family: a faded brown Roxy tee that I picked up in TK Maxx for a price so small that I may as well have shoplifted it. I swear I didn't though and nor would I.

Scan you see I'm green with sweater envy?

My scanner works, how marvelous! Now take a look at this, won't you please. I'm convinced that owning this Proenza Schouler silk-knit sweater will make me more intelligent, wealthier, healthier, beautiful, influential...I know I'm right. Worn with these Ashish cutoffs, you have the perfect look for dusky summer evenings (and you'll automatically look like Angela Lindvall too, better even). I've gotten carried away, haven't I? This would be absolutely perfect for the BBQ that I'm about to leave for. Oh the injustice of it all! Happy Saturday! x

British Vogue, June 2010

100% Cringe Proof

I feel as though it's my civic duty as a reasonably decent human being to introduce you to my latest boisson de choix: Spanish hot chocolate. Summer is fast approaching, at least in name, so this post might strike you as vastly irrelevant. However, ask yourself this: would you still ask for ice in your G&T at the Christmas party? Probably. No, I don't understand either, don't worry!

Hot chocolate has never caused me to give away a Missoni scarf just because some stranger uttered those irresistible three little words: "love your scarf". Hot chocolate has never caused me to dive into the Mediterranean wearing a brand new leather jacket and subsequently fall in the sand wearing said jacket. Hot chocolate has never caused me to answer the question: "which politician would you like to (I can't even type it, you know!)...?" with the words: "oh DEFINITELY George Osborne". By all accounts, I was emphatically sure. I cannot say the same for Corona, Gin, Frozen Daiquiris, Blue Cocktails, Champagne or White Wine which is why I'm extolling the virtues of hot chocolate.

www.spanishchocolate.com

It's your vote, make it count.

It's all systems go for tonight's UK general election party. I'm keeping my political cards close to my chest but don't be surprised to see me indulging in a cheeky WKD or two later (such class, I know). In honour of the day that's in it, here's a picture of Samantha Cameron leaving the polling booth with the man who will be PM/her husband/call him Dave. She's wearing an Emilia Wickstead dress and Next shoes. Is it a cliché to call a pregnant woman glowing? I think it is but you can't deny that she's radiant, no matter what your political allegiance be!

It's the little things that keep me coming back

I love the personal touch of a handwritten note. 10/10 customer service right there.

Shoe Love and Top Shopping

I love Nicholas Kirkwood. I’m tempted to leave it at that but because I’ve never knowingly used one word where 100 will do, I won’t. This luminous green heel from his S/S10 collection is just magnificent. I love his trademark structural design, so combine that with a vibrant splash of lurid(ish) green and you’re in the company of MY DREAM SHOES. Unfortunately, MY DREAM SHOES have yet to be introduced to THEIR DREAM FEET. Let’s hope this happens soon because I have a feeling they might be soul mates. (SOLE MATES!!àI can’t stop!)

In other news, today I went for a walk. It led me to my nearest outlet of Topshop. Bad news: I took absolutely NO money or cards with me on this walk. Great news: Topshop are running a fabulous sale. The reduced stock is on par with the current collection. Imagine, sale items that you’d actually want to buy, amazing! Get thyselves (?) there.

Thank you for reading.

Congratulations are in order. Direct them my way please. Why? I had an economics exam today and I think I did pretty well. Oh screw modesty, I blew that paper OUT OF THE WATER! The real point here is that I’m now 100% dedicated to becoming a worldwide internet sensation (you bet I am!) , today is definitely YOUR day. I jest, of course. My commitment to the cause might wane somewhat once September rolls round but until then I’m all yours, whoever you are. Speaking of YOU, I see some of you lucky individuals have stumbled across my work in progress. Thank you so much for stopping by but I implore you to keep your standards and expectations low, it will definitely work out better that way for both of us! But seriously, thanks a million, and please come back!

When I wasn’t taking a step closer to becoming the J.M. Keynes of my generation, I was rummaging through the rails of my recently reopened army surplus store. Firstly, I should tell you that I love stripes and I struggle to agree with all that nonsense about horizontal stripes being unflattering. Ill-fitting clothes are unflattering. A striped top, when it’s not two sizes too small, is among the most flatteringly elegant items of clothing you can own, in my opinion. This gem that I picked up in the army surplus store is a size 46. It would probably be loose-fitting on a smallish giant but never mind that. The assistant told me it was an original, genuine, Russian sailor’s top. How could I say no? The only strange thing is that the tag is stitched on the outside of the garment. If my camera wasn’t awful and if my photography skills weren’t equally as bad, you could see this better but I think you’ll get the gist, being clever and all that!

I also ordered a pair of House of Holland’s suspender tights. Not sure how I’m going to wear them yet but I like how Daisy Lowe paired black stockings with a floral tea dress at Coachella. Come to think of it, have I ever seen a bad picture of Daisy Lowe? I’m pretty sure I have not. Go Daisy!

Two days away from the UK general election. I could not be more excited. Should I do fashion and politics special, I wonder? That surely hasn’t been done as of yet. No need to roll your eyes , I’ll roll mine and save you the trouble! I’m off to drink hot chocolate in the hope that I’ll suddenly become original.

***Apologies for the shoddy camera work and the poorly designed layout. I hope to improve with time*** *WAVING MANIACALLY*

Nothing is straightforward.

When the toughest decision you face is choosing between a mojito and a caiprinha, you know it's been an easy day. Enjoy the rest of the bank holiday weekend. My disco needs me.

Sometimes it's difficult to tell where winter stops and spring begins

An impromptu closet decluttering has unearthed a couple of hidden gems (major punsex). I got both the leggings and the skirt almost a year ago and somehow they negotiated their way to the back of my closet, tags and all. However, in the year since I've bought them, sequins have become ubiquitous, to say the least. Forget that they're in the Going Down sections of faux-glossy magazines. I'm not going to throw away the contents of my closet just because a worshiper at the altar of Alexa Chung (who I do like btw) tells me they're outdated. Partly because I can't afford to but mostly because I know my own mind. Mostly. I'm confident that the skirt is one American Retro slouchy white t-shirt, one flat black ankle boot, and two bare legs away from being "a look" (?) for me. I'm having a harder time with the leggings though. At the moment, they're screaming (more like whispering loudly) winter at me but I'll persevere. They're simply too sparkly to be ignored (for any longer).

Hank Boliday and the Discovery of Stars

JK Rowling has competition. Luckily for her, I haven't yet gotten round to picking up my pen but when I do...WHEN I DO! She has been warned. I digress though. In honour of the May Bank Holiday weekend, I shall be tripping the light fantastic later, so guess what I'm doing now? ***drumroll*** That's correct, I'm deciding on shoes. I promise that this blog wasn't set up with the sole (major punlove) intention of showing off my shoe collection. It would be drawing to a close in precisely 18 hours if that were the case. I think I might go with the snakeskin(ish) Asos courts. I haven't worn them yet but I actually think they MIGHT be comfortable. Wow.

Brown girl in the rain, tra la la la la...

Xen-Tan


Snooki

Partly because I wanted to pay homage to the magnificent Snooki but mostly because my skin has taken on a bluish/pinkish hue, I purchased some fake tan today. Xen-Tan is by far the best self-tanner I've used. It has olive rather than orange undertones. It smells nice (as nice as a fake tan can). It's pretty much fool-proof to apply BUT USE A TANNING MIT. This stuff is dark (but still super natural). http://www.xen-tan.co.uk/

Of course I don't just sit around taking pictures of my shoes, that would be weird.

Seeing that boybands give me the creeps, I've decided to focus on tonight's footwear of choice instead. I've narrowed it down to these three. Now try telling me that my less than professional photography and overly try-hard descriptive content hasn't enriched your browsing experience. Actually, don't tell me a thing. I'm hypersensitive.

Sorry for blanking you. Entirely accidental. Cough. (Why the high-waisted pants?)

So I've finally cracked what the world was missing: only another blog. Much kudos to me, I'm sure you'll agree. I study economics and as much as I'd love to entangle you all in a delicious web of supply and demand, I'll resist that temptation. Instead I'll talk only about shoes...and television (high-culture weeps). Every now and again, I'll tease you with my own inimitable brand of intellectual stimulation so DO NOT be off your guard. I'm not adverse to unnecessary histrionics.

Disclaimer: I have been told on occasion that I need to wash my mouth out with soapy water but I'll let you decide for yourselves.

Britain's Got Talent beckons. It's gotta be done and you know it.

Karma, karma, karma, karma, car, me, lyon.

How can it be that 5" slut boots are sixty-five times more comfortable than sensible brown brogues? Thinking aloud. Oh btw boots, I never ever called you slutty. Setting the record straight.